As I type this, I feel guilty. I feel tired. And I feel like a bad mom.
This morning my husband had a gig and wasn't going to be home until 2PM. His back has been hurting for the past couple of days and he'd tried to get someone to sub in for him, but no one could do it so he went in.
Since I was home with our girl all morning, I decided that I would try to do some housework and make it clean and calm for him when he walked through the door. I cleaned the bathrooms, the floors, the kitchen, the back patio area where our cats are, did laundry, cleaned up the baby and myself. I did a lot of work, the house looked good and smelled good and he was appreciative when he came home.
After we put the girl down to nap and he was relaxing on the couch with his laptop, I went to Big Lots and Publix to pick up some extra things. After Big Lots and before Publix, I sent him a text to ask if I could stop at Ross. He said sure...as long as I don't buy anything. Well, that's not easy for me. I was hoping he'd say sure, but try to spend only $20 or $30 or whatever. I was disappointed, decided to skip Ross instead of torturing myself with cute things I can't buy.
Came home to discover that the girl most definitely still had not gone to sleep. She was playing around in her bed and hadn't slept at all. I got halfway through putting the laundry away when she started to call, "Daddy" over and over and over again.
After about 10 minutes, I walked into the living room and asked if he truly believed he was going to win this one. He said probably not. :)
I opened her door and told her that if she didn't go to sleep for her nap now, she'd have to go to bed early tonight. She opted to go to bed early. Okay then.
Since her favorite movie is Aladdin, I put that on in hopes of keeping her occupied until dinner so that I could just rest for a little while. I hadn't really sat down all day. Apparently this did not meet with her approval because she pulled out all of her beauty toys and started brushing my hair (painfully, I might add).
I couldn't deal with it. I almost threw my laptop down on the table in frustration, and then just sat with my head in my hands while she brushed my hair.
My daughter simply wanted to play with me instead of watch TV. Isn't that what I want, for her to rather play than sit in front of the TV all day? Am I not the one that wishes she could work from home to spend more time with her daughter? And yet when I am home, I get frustrated because I need a break.
What's that about?
Ugh. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
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Melissa, you are being too hard on yourself. You are only human. All Mom's would like some time to themselves. It is very frustrating when things don't go as we had hoped or planned, i.e. child decides not to take a nap. This often occurs at the same times we could really use some "me" time. It doesn't mean anything other than you are a normal working Mom with feelings we all experience. You are a great Mom and Kristina knows you love her!
ReplyDeleteI think we all have those days. As a SAHM, I know I have them more often than I would like since I am with my guys 24/7. Oh and I know all to well the challenges of a 3 year old (terrible TWO's? Psshh) I don't think there is anything you can do in that situation once you're already *there*. If I am totally wiped sometimes I will put on music and ask him to show me his dance moves (no mess!). I also get really touched out and cannot stand to be hung all over when I just need a break.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel like that, I know I need some quality time with my guy, though, too. For us that means strolling through Target with some of that nasty popcorn or finding a pond with ducks to throw bread at - but you know, anything that they get a kick out of! Devote 100% to them for that short amount of time and say YES. I find that when we can get together and reconnect like that, he is much more apt to give me my space that evening. Plus, it lowers my stress level just getting to say yes to everything for him even for a short amount of time.
Anyway - I may have gotten way off track, but I do love your blog (I found this one via your fashion blog, so HI!) and I hope you can get some R& R tonight!
I was having these exact same thoughts yesterday. The adjusting period has been tough here and yesterday all I wanted to do was be left alone and for her to go somewhere else. I felt like a horrible mother. I want to homeschool her, which would almost necessitate me being a stay at home mother, but that is not entirely possble. We just have to accept that we are not perfect and that as much as we love our kids, we don't always love for them to be on top of us at all times. (At least, that's what I keep telling myself.)
ReplyDeleteMary - you're so edifying. I miss you!
ReplyDeleteAndrea - that's a great idea. It requires me to get off my butt for a while and not be so lazy, but I do need to try and find things we can do together that are fun for her. I should take her to the park more often!
Charisse - I tell myself that too; I love her but I don't love to be hung on all the time. It's true! Hope things start getting easier for you guys soon, being in a new place.
Girl, I have been there. We all have, judging from the comments above mine. I want to stay home so I can be a "better" mommy and spend more time with my baby girl. But sometimes when I'm FINALLY at home, I just want to take a nap or put my feet up or have someone else make dinner so I can catch up on blogging or do something for me. Unfortunately, those rested moments are few and far between because we do work outside of the home, so when we're there, we're worn out! It's normal and it's a pain in the butt. Just remember that we're doing the best we can.
ReplyDelete:( I know this was a while ago but I want to give you a big (virtual) hug. I think everyone has those days, and I don't even have kids. It's just so hard to be cool and calm when all you need is a small break from everything and everyone.
ReplyDeleteI love both blogs you write, thank you!
Girl I commend you so much for your efforts and dedication to your family! Wow, you have the greatest and hardest of all jobs on earth-rasing a child! Sounds like you need a virtual tropical break! lol ;) thanks for sharing with us, puts things into perspective! hugs
ReplyDeleteThin your blog is really sweet darling ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd be so glad, if you'd take 2 of your minutes to check out mine too ;)
Mimi
www.mode-karussell.blogspot.com