I figured since no one really reads this blog anymore, I don't have to work too hard to keep up a happy face. I can just write and be honest with myself.
It doesn't happen very often but sometimes I just get set off by certain things and end up feeling really crappy. It can be something as simple as seeing two people converse on Facebook about some political thing and I feel like an idiot for not understanding. Or seeing my ex-husband comment on my friend's post about how a group of them should get together for this event or that. It can be reading a blog post where tons of people are mentioned but I am loudly omitted.
Sometimes it's a photo album containing pictures of several people that I know and I wonder why I wasn't invited.
I'm just sad. I know life throw curveballs and you can't expect it to always turn out the way you wanted. But I never thought I'd be divorced and forced to give up time with my daughter. I don't like being alone. I miss being in a relationship where I have fun with the other person and feel loved and in love.
I feel like I don't have any friends that I can call or email to vent to without having to explain the entire back story to them first. I have friends that care, I know that and I appreciate that, but no one that's close enough that I talk to every day or even every couple of days that will understand how I feel and say things to make me feel better, and who can go out with me on the nights when I don't have my daughter. I haven't gone out with friends in a long time. I don't really have any friends to go out with.
I just feel a little bit like crap. And I feel FAT after having gone bathing suit shopping today. And eating like crap tonight.
And...end whine.
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Put on your big girl panties:
ReplyDeleteA) I try to talk to you and you never call back or talk to me back. I am not there yet, but when I am you have a permanent invitation to dinner. I'm trying to be close to you.
B) You KNOW how I feel about your relationship status. And I know you don't like being alone. And I know you don't want to give up K. And I KNOW BEYOND THE SHADOW of a doubt that you miss him. More than you thought you would. I think you're both feeling that currently, but neither one will fess up. Ahem.
C) Bathing suit shopping always sucks. Because NO ONE has the same size chest as they do a bottom. It's stupid.