A Note to my Baby Fat

Dear Baby Fat,

I'm writing this note to politely ask you to pack your bags and go home - wherever home may be for you.  I realize that we've shared some good times, but all good things must come to an end.

I will admit that I did invite you here.  My lack of exercise during pregnancy and my daily breakfast of Peanut Butter Crunch certainly did scream, "Please, invade me!"  But we had an agreement, you and I.

The agreement was that you would live here for just a little while and as soon as I no longer needed you, you would leave.

Quite frankly, you have rather overstayed your welcome.

I do have to thank you for being the cushion to my growing baby while she was being developed.  Kudos to you for that.  It seems, however, that you haven't realized my baby is now a two-year-old toddler.  While she does like to snuggle on my lap, I think she would be just as happy if Mommy didn't have a tummy that could rival that of Santa Claus'.  And I do believe I could sit at work for just as many hours without your "extra padding".

The double chin?  Really?  I don't want to be greedy.  I only need one, thankyouverymuch.  Also, just so ya know, I've never been fond of wearing shorts underneath my dresses and skirts.  It sort of defeats the purpose.

I've been trying to give you subtle hints, like exercising and eating fruits and vegetables, but you just don't seem to get it.  How on earth can I make you understand?

I don't want you here, Baby Fat.  I'm trying to bore you into leaving by supplying you only with salad, water and whole grains.  I'm trying to scare you with aerobics and hand weights. You, however, seem to be holding on for dear life. 

I'm sure there are lots of other women who could use you right now.  There are many other people that are trying to find you, yet you cling to me who doesn't want you.

Don't you have any pride at all?  Why would you stay in a place where you know you're not wanted?

So how about you and I come to an understanding?  I don't need you anymore.  If I do become pregnant again and need your support, I will surely call on Peanut Butter Crunch to alert you to return.  Until then, please just go away.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, really I don't...I just want to share you with those who need you. 

What do you say, Baby Fat?  Are you ready to head on out? While you're at it, could you please take New Gray Hairs with you?  I don't want them either.