I am definitely tired of being fat. I really am. I keep seeing pictures of other moms and they've all lost their baby weight and yes, I KNOW that I keep screwing up.
But you would think after two years, I would have lost SOMETHING. Because honestly, I'm not all that bad, am I?
I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I'm tired of being jealous of all my beautiful friends. I'm tired of wanting to cry every time I have to buy this size instead of my pre-pregnancy size. It's not fun. I'm tired of looking at old pictures of myself when I was thin and toned and tan.
And I do know that now I'm a mom and things change. That doesn't make me feel better when I see other moms who are once again thin, toned and tan and I. Am. Not.
It especially hurts when I spend several weeks eating nothing but salad and drinking water and exercising every morning at 4:45AM only to weigh myself and find a loss of NOTHING. Which is probably why I go off the deep end and the next week I don't exercise and I eat whatever I want. That doesn't mean I gorge myself. But I don't make myself eat salad for every meal either.
I just looked through some old photos of myself and some current photos of friends who have also had babies...and it makes me ashamed of myself and sad and I kind of want to cry. And hide in my house so no one else can see me like this. But that's not entirely likely.
Alright, I'm done whining. That is all. Hopefully the next post will be much more positive and uplifting - sorry for the downer, but I did claim my blog as a place to vent!
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Hey.... I just saw this and wanted to remind you that God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a beautiful woman of God. Try your best n then pray... He is your strength!
ReplyDeleteAhem. As your BFF, I feel I may have to slap you! I think you're not losing weight because you are coveting----you want to be someone that God has not made you to be. STOP IT. Just STOP IT! And you know what I am talking about so I am going to leave it at that. *blowing kisses*
ReplyDeleteThis weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/09/five-star-fridays-edition-68.html
Melissa---do Weight Watchers with me...I lost 40 lbs on it before and if you FOLLOW IT, it works. It gives you enough structure and still allows you to live your life and go out to eat. AND it's a lifestyle, not a diet. You may not be eating enough or you may not be eating enough of the right stuff. We can keep each other up to date and keep each other on plan! IT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! www.weightwatchers.com . They have a plan that involves meetings (where you are held accountable) and also online stuffs. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDeleteMaybe this book? http://www.amazon.com/One-Cares-What-You-Lunch/dp/032144972X/ref=wl_it_dp_o?ie=UTF8&coliid=I206ILZBLVQJKO&colid=CMTZLGG15D3M
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the funniest Facebook posters I know. :o)
oops - I posted the wrong comment first. That book should go on your blog topic post!
ReplyDeleteAs for this one, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. What a frustrating journey. I'm always a bit startled these days when I see pictures of myself. And yet I'm too lazy or too overwhelmed to try to get to the gym. Maybe salad is too extreme and your body is hanging on to things because it's not getting enough veggies/proteins/whatever? We've been working real hard on just a "healthy diet" - not too many processed foods i.e. brown rice, whole grain bread, whole grain pasta, etc. in place of the usual white. Portion control. I dunno...I don't eat nearly enough fruits & veggies myself. Weight Watchers always sounded good to me too. Let me know if you find the secret! And try not to compare yourself to others - as hard as that may be.